Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
