the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
