Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
