But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
