He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
