Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
