Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
