We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
