roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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