Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
