I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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