she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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