I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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