Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
pop tarts are not kleenex
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
