I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
