i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
