the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
