Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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