My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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