Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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