i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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