so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
