Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cockslap morals
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just cropdusted the office
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
