mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So squirting runs in the family.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
