You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
