I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
