you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
