It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and she was petting her beer can
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
