Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
