I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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