I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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