Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
