Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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