I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
