We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
