My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
