At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
