fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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