i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
