my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
