Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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