sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
