Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
