walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
