remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
COCAINE IS GR8
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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