Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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