i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
