The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
