The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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