Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
