"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
